desperate desires and unadmirable plans.

I’m kinda homesick.

I’m kinda laughing at this thought, but I mean why not? It’s something about driving with instinct instead of sweating, worried I’ll miss my exit. It’s knowing where I can park anywhere I am. It’s not having to ask anyone how to get somewhere..it’s about being able to call anyone I feel like calling and saying “Oh hello there, (Insert Name Here) I was just calling to see if you’d like to catch a film or grab a small morsel this evening.” I mean..I can do that with Ian, and in most situations I’d rather ask him anyways, but I can’t do it with Abra or Kristin even.

I laugh as I think about all the crap I got myself into back home..Abra you’ll like this..all the scandals involving Craig or Fleecey..standing Scott Spencer up so I could go to the Boyd’s to watch Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen tapes..when I almost caught my garage on fire trying to cook Jill Potter a friggin veggie dog..the boys I’ve loved..the ones I’ve used. The friends I made, and the friendships that stopped. I made a lot of messes, but I didn’t mind them because they were my mess.

I think about my impending birthday looming ahead..it reminds me of all my birthdays. I usually go home to an empty house..most of my family not even bothering to call. I drive the streets of N-Ridge, chain smoking and listening to Brand New. Yeah those were sad ass times..but those streets treated me damn well. Better than most family or friends. Those streets I used to drive on when things got really hard, were the only thing that used to comfort me.

I miss those streets.