desperate desires and unadmirable plans.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(512): what did gay clubs do before lady gaga

Is really good. The book was better. But.
I have a huge soft spot for teen fiction.
Call it a hobby.

I have been purchasing baking and baking since 10am this morning.
I made 4 dozen cookies and a pan of pumpkin bars.

What inspired this random act of baking?

I dont know, but I am making a pumpkin cheesecake and possibly a pecan pie here in the next few days. Tis the season :)

I am in love with the women at Ian’s church.
They are some of the first people I’ve encountered, religious or not, who accept me for who I am. Tattoos, piercings, my past. Whatever. They think I’m funny and smart and they think Ian is the luckiest guy in the world to have me. Yeah, I love them :)

I must go read 1776 for book club now :D

txtsfrmlstnght:

(905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?

I just read a book about an ER doc here in Durham, where I live now.
It was pretty good, graphic and honest. I read it because I joined a book club with some of the ladies at church.

It should prove to be pretty good.

I also roped Ian somehow into coming with me to see New Moon tomorrow night. He didnt resist really, and even bought the tickets online today :D I really do have a good husband. He even said he would start doing volunteer work with me and was really excited at the prospect. :D

I have really been itching to work on my soul these days. Do things to nurture myself. I’ve been readin excellent, thought provoking literature, getting involved with these wonderful people I met at church, joined this book club, and will be getting involved with Durham Rescue Mission soon. I think its important to do stuff that enriches your life. Feeds your soul so to speak. It makes my days really full and I cant help but be happy and hopeful.

Oh. And I am going to a Wine Bar this weekend. How classy is that? haha

I want to be a writer sometimes.

Not in the sense that I want to write this epic novel about love and loss and getting my period or winning the nobel peace prize.

I want to write about real, hilarious things I see every day.
I think I will try to incorporate this dream into my life somehow. I will have to learn to be more witty, charming, and funny of course.

Until then..

I have been reading a lot of biographies of famous people who have had addiction problems, mental illness, and breakdowns. Why do I relate to them? This might be a red flag.

But as I read the life stories of Marcia Brady having sex with dealers so she knows she will never run of blow, and Princess Leia getting shock therapy to deal with her manic/depression behavior, I can’t help but think..”Ashlie, these are your people. And you better take notes, it’s only a matter of time.”

This leads me to the conclusion I must go back to therapy and take those mind-altering, suicide inducing drugs I should have been on years ago. But as I read in many of the auto-biographies out on the library shelves today…they do wonders.

Although I attribute many of my mental problems to my abusive dad and my mom, who racks up felon charges like they are perfect attendance awards..I believe most of it has something to do with the choices I’ve made in my past. The paths I didn’t take. I am very consumed right now in living in a fantasy world wondering how my life would be if I went to a 4 year college, had lots of random sex, got an addiction problem..ya know the normal college years. Or if I didn’t get married so soon and explored the world on my own..or possibly tried to star on SNL, which was a brief dream that lasted as long as Carrot Top’s acting carrer. Or what would’ve happened.. if I stayed in Springfield, Ohio…and bought those damn pants. I knew I should’ve splurged and bought the pants. You know who you are.

But I can’t live in regrets. I just can’t. It’s making my skin blotchy, and I’m losing hair from stress.

So tonight I encourage everyone to think of one thing they regret. Ok now stop. It gets you no where.

I just miss home.
Not for any of the good reasons tonight.

Not any of the legit reasons one would miss home.

I miss home for late night drives to Brand New.
I miss game night followed by the 4 of us playing rock band.
And pipe smoking by the fountain.
Trips to Cosmo Prof like once a week.
D&D with the best people ever.
Make me a sammich tshirt.

Thats enough for the night..I’m going to go read and pretend that everything will be ok. Lets see how that pans out.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed “Accio SHITSHOW”

txtsfrmlstnght:

(512): they started playing Don’t Stop Believin’ and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version